Name: Poetif (Signed) · Date: 06 Jan 2018 02:59 AM · For: Chapter 1

So, I'm definitely intrigued thus far.  Don't know what's gonna happen to make me stop reading before Chapter 4, but I guess I'll see.

Author's Response:

Hi! I’m glad you are intrigued!  I basically just feel that the first four chapters are my bumpiest because I was figuring out how to write as I went along. Breaking Point was what turned me from reader into writer for the first time, because I had a spark of an idea - but no real understanding of what it meant to try to actually do it.  There are a couple of moments in the earlier chapters where, in hindsight, I would have changed some things, but I opted to keep them in there for the re-post.  Time capsule and all... ;) So glad to know that you’re reading!! xoxo, Jessica

Name: jammie13 (Signed) · Date: 02 Jan 2018 09:23 PM · For: Chapter 20

Oh please update soon!!! I love this and love yore writing! You haven’t lost a step at all!!

Author's Response:

You are such an awesome cheerleader today.  I tend to agonize over my words, so I don’t write quickly, but please rest assured, there is no more risk of this story being abandoned. I am very motivated to give my BP-universe EO the closure they deserve (and that readers have deserved for so long...) Thank you again for your amazing feedback today! xoxo, Jessica

Name: jammie13 (Signed) · Date: 02 Jan 2018 08:52 PM · For: Chapter 19

I cannot tel you how happy I am that you are working on this.  I am

so freaking excited! It’s one of the best  stories I’ve read!!!

Author's Response:

Thanks so much! Did you make it to Chapter 20??  That leaves things in a better spot than 19... I feel so badly, because there were apparently incomplete copies of BP circulating after the old site crash, so some people didn’t even get to read 19 until I re-posted it here this fall. I can’t imagine being left hanging on the end of Chapter 18 for 8 years...!! I don’t write quickly, but I promise you I’m opening the file on a nightly basis to keep plugging away. Thank you so much for the awesome support... xoxoxo, Jessica

Name: jammie13 (Signed) · Date: 02 Jan 2018 04:26 PM · For: Chapter 17

YIKES!!!!!  I'm in a dead sweat and it's not even about me!

Author's Response:

OMG you are seriously my favorite person today! Thanks so much for these “live” review updates!!! It’s so fun to know what pieces of the story stand out for people - or stress them out!! ;) GOOD! You’re supposed to be sweaty... Tee hee... xoxoxo Jessica

Name: jammie13 (Signed) · Date: 02 Jan 2018 03:13 PM · For: Chapter 15

I LOVE your dialogue with Huang and Liv - excellent chapter all around!

Author's Response:

Thank you so much!!  I think you’re one of maybe three people who has ever commented on that particular dynamic...?? (The first person on this revamped site... Don’t you feel special??)  It means a lot to me, as I found myself enjoying the challenge of writing him. He’s such a brilliant mind and clinician...but also very difficult to capture because of that.  There was one time I remember starting to write a line for him in response to one of Olivia’s statements where I immediately chastised myself saying, “There’s no way he’d ever say ___”... Ha! Thanks so much for the feedback and for taking the time to leave me your thoughts! xoxo, Jessica

Name: EORocks (Signed) · Date: 01 Jan 2018 10:19 PM · For: Chapter 12

I've started this story again from the beginning, and I just love it (is that messed up).  But the emotion is palpable; I feel like I'm right there with them.  And I know what you mean about how you click on a chapter...how it practically writes itself. I've had those moments myself and it's magical.  I'm going to keep goiing...

Author's Response:

Oh, yay! This made me so happy this morning.  Thank you so much!  It’s not messed up to love it! (Right?! I hope not!!) I am so glad to know you love it despite (or because of?) the angst and extremes of emotion.  I saw that you posted this after re-reading chapter twelve, so that makes me happy as well.  I feel like that chapter is a turning point in not only their processing of the trauma in the club, but also in processing Gitano, Sealview, and in finally being the catalyst for the shift in their personal relationship...but it’s a doozy of an emotional encounter to get there... So glad you know what I mean about the moment when something clicks and the words just flow. :) Love you for taking the time to leave me your thoughts.  I needed a “boost” this morning and this review did it. xoxoxo, Jessica

Name: Sburch03 (Signed) · Date: 01 Jan 2018 04:42 PM · For: Chapter 20

ABSOLUTE PERFECTION!!

Author's Response:

WOW! Thank you so much, Stephanie!  I can’t tell you how much this means to me... It was a hard day in real life and this was very unexpected.  Many, many thanks for your kind words and support of the story. xoxoxo, Jessica 

Name: ItsALifesJourney (Signed) · Date: 01 Jan 2018 02:04 AM · For: Chapter 2

Ahh so this is my feeble attempt at ~researching for that trailer I'm going to make. I just planned on rereading this story since I haven't read it in whole since probably 2011 lol. 

I'm so excited to revisit this journey once more, I feel like it's the only way to do your trailer justice. So, fingers crossed I get this reread (and a review on your newest chapter) done within the next week or so. Sorry for the wait but you deserve the best of the best. xoxoxoxox 

Now I'm off to do my marathon reread. 

Author's Response:

Oh my gosh how exciting!! Thanks so much for all of the effort you’re making!! Please no pressure or rush.  I’m just excited to hear your thoughts and to see what you come up with.  As you’re being so diligent, please make a note to ignore me a bit in terms of timing.  I was not good about paying attention about when Sealview happened, so at one point I make reference to it having been a short period of time after, but my story is set in the fall (November-ish), which would have been months and months after.  I realized this belatedly when I did an Undercover re-watch, but figured that only the superfans with crazy attentions to detail would be bothered by it, so I didn’t change it in my story.  (Although maybe I will at some point).  At any rate, I picture her hair more like season ten hair anyway.  ;)  I guess whether Sealview happened weeks or months ago doesn’t really matter since the experience would have been traumatic and triggering regardless.  You are awesome and I am so grateful that you are taking this on! xoxoxo, Jessica

Name: HaileyStabler (Signed) · Date: 30 Dec 2017 09:59 PM · For: Chapter 20

Oh my goodness gracious! I don't even know where to start. I'm so incredibly happy you are back with this masterpiece. Like I told you before, I have never even read chapter 19 before do it was a double surprise for me! The angst and danger is everything I have ever wanted in and fic, I love sweating and having heart palpataions when I read, no lie! But at the same time I am happy they are healing together...finally! I cannot wait to see what else you bring to these amazing updates! 

Author's Response:

This was an awesome surprise to wake up to... You finished!! I’m SO SORRY that you’d been missing chapter 19 all of these years... I’m so glad that you got a “double” update with this December post. I’m really happy that you like the mix of the case/danger stuff and the angst - a couple of those chapters had my heart racing and palms sweating while writing them.  When all hell broke loose at the end of 8(?) with Nikolai and in 18 with Petrov, I would literally start typing faster. ;)  Really glad you are on board with their healing process thus far... more to come, I promise.  Thanks, thanks, thanks for this... xoxoxo, Jessica

Name: Blinkyblinks (Signed) · Date: 29 Dec 2017 07:33 PM · For: Chapter 20

It’s worth the wait.......

Author's Response:

Thank you!! Given the length of the wait, this means *a lot* to me. I’m so glad to know you feel this way. xoxo, Jessica

Name: MotherTucker (Signed) · Date: 26 Dec 2017 06:47 PM · For: Chapter 20

Where do I begin??!? First - you’re back!!! Second, holy bloody hell this was intense! Even in this crazy world of Nikolai and Petrov, you manage to capture EO so well and keep them true to character. It’s so emotionally raw. I mean, they finally talked about their true feelings about what happened - can’t imagine how hard much of that would be for Liv to admit, and for El to endure that video. Sigh. 

I owe you so much more in terms of this whole story, since I’m late to the party. Have you ever seen the episode of Friends when Joey hides the book in the freezer when it’s too much? Well, I wanted to hide my phone in the freezer soooo many times while catching up on this whole fic. And I mean that in a good way ;) 

 

It was definitely worth the wait!! 

Author's Response:

First off, I’m so sorry for the delay in responding! It’s been a doozy of a couple of days... I was/am SO happy to see this and hear your thoughts, especially since you are new to this story and did a mega read through of the whole thing! (I just did that before I posted this and it’s insanely long - 445 pages on my word doc.....).  I know you had some (understatement) nagging from our friend to do so, but I’m so glad that you did.  I’m so glad that you felt that despite the extreme circumstances, El and Liv felt like themselves. That’s something that has been a challenge to write because the emotions are running so high and defenses have been stripped away, so I kind of have just written them the way I would imagine each would react against that backdrop.  This last chapter and chapter twelve are the ones that hurt my heart for Liv - like you said, so much that is so hard to admit, so much shame and uncertainty.  But chapter twenty I think is also a new level of openness for Elliot as well, even though it’s steeped in anger and regret. “Emotionally raw” is an awesome description of it, so thanks for that. :) Thank you so, so much for taking the time to leave me your thoughts.  My anxious/self-doubty heart was much reassured by your words. Also, LOL re: the phone and the freezer.  Please don’t destroy your phone because of this!!!  Thanks, thanks, thanks! xoxoxo, Jessica

Name: wonderwait (Signed) · Date: 25 Dec 2017 04:58 PM · For: Chapter 20

I LOVE THIS AND I LOVE YOU. Thank you for making my Christmas a miracle ;P

Author's Response:

I am SO EXCITED that “wonderwait” is back! I miss you (and have missed you) so much. I will cling to the thought of a January 7th reunion. I need to know what is going on in your world. Big, big hugs...YOU are my Xmas miracle. xoxoxoxo, Jessica

Name: Test (Signed) · Date: 25 Dec 2017 02:37 PM · For: Chapter 20

Thank you for the nice Christmas surprise! Now hope we don’t have to wait 8 years for another update or even 8 months, weeks or days! Great job. Can’t wait to read more!

Author's Response:

Thanks, Tammy!  I *promise* it won’t take me another 8 years to update!  I wish I could tell you that it would be days, but I am not a fast writer.  It takes me a while to figure out how I want to phrase things (even when I know the direction in which I want to move them) so I get a smidge (okay, a lot) obsessive.  Rest assured I *will* finish this story. Thanks so much for taking the time to leave me your thoughts. xoxo, Jessica

Name: DenialLove (Signed) · Date: 24 Dec 2017 04:25 PM · For: Chapter 20

So happy to see this update! You haven't missed a beat since the last update. Liv and El are written perfectly and I can't wait for more!

Author's Response:

Thank you so much, Lindsey!  I am so glad (relieved) that you liked the update and that you felt that Elliot and Olivia were still themselves. Always a challenge to write them under such emotional circumstances, because it’s a balance between trying to capture their typical strength along with a level of vulnerability that transcends the norm. Anyway, your review made me feel happy and relieved. Many, many thanks for taking the time to leave me your thoughts. xoxo, Jessica

Name: eotopia (Signed) · Date: 24 Dec 2017 03:02 PM · For: Chapter 20

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

This is not my final review! But it’s all about I can respond with right now. I read the whole thing on the plane! My heart! My soul. You saved it. This is just... 

”I carry when I have something worth protecting.” SCREAMS!!!

These lines you have floor me. Because it’s so them. I love love love the place you’ve got them to. I can breathe again! After 8 years I have breath! Will review properly soon! In meantime Merry Christmas and thank you thank you thank you. Xxxx

 

Author's Response:

Thank you SO MUCH for posting this, because I was convincing myself that the update was going to let you down. (All the expectations and all...) This made me smile, but also made me breathe again - which is important, because, you know, oxygen is good.. So glad that out of all of the lines you could have picked to mention, you picked out Elliot’s.  That was part of the scene that I was agonizing over trying to phrase in the right way. (Ha - actually, you know that’s an understatement because I agonized over this whole damn chapter).  I hope you felt Liv’s part was right too. Big, big hugs and gratitude for all of your support and general awesomeness. xoxoxo, Jessica

Name: eotopia (Signed) · Date: 23 Dec 2017 03:24 PM · For: Chapter 19

So.. do you know what the best part about reading and reviewing this chapter is. I DON'T HAVE TO WAIT 8 YEARS TO READ THE NEXT ONE! Just days.

 

 

*Happy Dance* Christmas has most certainly come early this year! Or on time.. depending on when you post lol. Not to put the pressure on.. but I'm done now. Woohoo. *Innocent Eyes*. But also post only when you're ready.. As long as it's not years again woman because I do have a breaking point pun most def intended lololol. Sidebar if the 2009 version of me could be here on this day just moments away from reading Chapter 20 she would be wilding through the night I tell you.

 

 

OKAY now for the quotes!

(*plays Thirsty Merc's 20 Good Reasons while you read*)

 

 

1. "The light was on. The door was open. The deadbolt was gone. It was over." - Well thank God for that! I am just as relieved as Liv.

 

 

2. When you described that it was okay for Liv to "seek comfort and protection as a human being instead of a cop" with Elliot - There was something about this that just warmed my heart. The fact that she would admit this, that she's only human.

 

 

3. "Beneath the blood lay the bruises inflicted by Nikolai...by Elliot..." -.. wow yes he left bruises. What an image..I didn't think about this. *Sobs*

 

 

4. "In all of the ways that counted, Petrov would have claimed two lives with a single bullet." - Amazing. And truth.

 

 

5. "Fin swept his eyes over her face." - Yes I pay attention to finer detail and I appreciate it.

 

 

6. "This is the place where you don't have to do that... hold back." SCREAMS. Yes Elliot. Yes. Let it out Liv! Now is your time.

 

 

7. "I'm fine," lololol - I'm sorry but I pictured that gif of Ross from friends drinking the margarita telling everyone he's fine.. Liv honey, you're not fine okay, let Elliot help you now.

 

 

8. Oh wow.. but then "I'm fine" and he replies with "I'm not." Lord have mercy for his honesty. So glad he admitted that to her, as it will allow her honesty to flow too.

 

 

9. When Liv waits for Elliot to get in the shower with her because she doesn't want to be alone for a single second. - BLESS

 

 

10. I'm so happy they showered together and she wasn't alone to wash all that trauma and torture away. That would have been heart-breaking to read.  

 

 

11. "You still with me?" in the tub - Precious.

 

 

12. "He didn't win Liv, not Nikolai" ... "Sometimes it doesn't feel that way." *Le crays*. I could basically just quote this whole chapter tbh. 

 

 

13. "Thanks for staying with me" ... "Thanks for letting me." - Omg yes! Because it's so unlike Liv to let him stay but also at the same time if he wasn't there it would have broken her to be alone in a time like this. THIS IS WHY IT KILLS ME THAT SHE WAS ALONE AFTER LEWIS! FUCK THIS SHIT. YOU SHOULD HAVE WRITTEN THE SHOW.

 

 

14. When she says she likes his stuble - and that she "always has" **Inserts wilding gif**

 

 

15. SHE PUTS ON HIS GREY HOODIE OF LOVE - Hahah Hashtag BonusPoints

 

 

16. "After days of pressured momentum, she was finally standing still." - OKAY FAVOURITE LINE!! Wraps it all up so nicely.

 

 

17. "They remained there in silence, the only sounds being the occasional rumbles and muted honks of the city traffic in the distance." - Details on point girl, it's like I'm watching a Sunday afternoon movie on a rainy dreary day and I don't wanna move from the couch.

 

 

18. When she shifts her palm a couple of times until she places it so she can feel his heartbeat *Ugly sobbing.*

 

 

19. AND THEN THE END! OMG JUST WHEN WE THOUGHT THE ANGST IS OVER HE IS GOING TO WATCH THE VIDEO NOW AND RELIVE ALL THE TRAUMA, PAIN AND SELF DESTRUCTION - I CAN'T HANDLE! POST THIS FIC, POST HASTE.

 

 

 

20. I love you, Merry Christmas.

Author's Response:

I love you so much for doing this ^.  You are really awesome. Sorry for the delay and responding... I was stressing after I read your review because I knew it meant that you were all caught up with the story and I'd have to post chapter 20... lol.  (So I was avoiding).  I'll use your numbers for ease of reference.  :)  1. SAME.  Phew! What a saga... 2. Yes, I think this has been a huge shift for Liv throughout the story - to get herself to a place where she allows herself to be vulnerable (and/or even recognize that she's vulnerable) and accept help and comfort from Elliot.  But that line that you picked out hurts my heart in this moment, because this is the moment where she suddenly feels insecure in the shift between them - suddenly realizing that she doesn't know what the new "normal" is, let alone whether it will endure.  I just want to hug her...but she's not real.... ;) 3. Yeah. :( No bueno... 4. I don't know how either character would truly ever be okay without the other.  Not in an "Elliot left the show" sort of way, but in an "Elliot/Olivia just died in front of the other person and their soulmate is gone".  I mean, they're both strong characters, so they'd keep putting one foot in front of the other, but I think that they would never feel whole or truly recover from that significant of a loss. 5. Aw, shucks. :) 6. AMEN. 7. Ha! Ross... Yeah, she is NOT "fine." 8. So glad you picked out his response.  I wish you could hear/see him say that the way I do in my head.  It's a big moment. 9 (and 10). I had one person years ago write in a review that she had been worried that I was going to have them get physically intimate in the shower already, and was then relieved that I hadn't jumped the gun.  All I could say to that was, "Noooooo no no no..." Too soon, and not at all the type of intimacy they were clinging to in that moment. But I think their reaction to the separation - both when she was abducted/missing and when they were forced to be separated by the glass - was so traumatic for both of them that she (they) would have needed the proximity. 11. Love that you picked this line out.  :) 12. This line reminds me of the part I wrote in chapter 11(?) where he hesitates about sitting beside her on the couch?  He freezes in mid-motion and they realize that Nikolai has made them question *everything* and that his psychotic torture undermined the entire foundation of their relationship.  Ugh.  13. LOL - yeah, I felt irked so many times about missed opportunities for character/relationship development (even if it had been a platonic strengthening of their support of one another).  Honestly, it's one of the reasons I stopped watching...  Sigh.  They should have let me try to fix things. ;) 14. Aw, I loved that moment too!  This makes me happy... 15. HAHAHA - you saw my subtle use of the GHoL... ;) Because, that. is. IMPORTANT. 16. THANKS :) :) :) 17. So glad you can "see" that too! 18. Right?? 19. Yeahhhhhhhh.  Not good, Elliot.  Not good.  Not helpful at all... Although at least it's the catalyst for them to talk about other pieces they hadn't addressed yet.  Some biggies in there, no? 20. Love you oodles.  You made my Xmas so much better this year. xoxoxo  Jessica P.S. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE QUOTE REVIEW.

Name: Test (Signed) · Date: 22 Dec 2017 07:25 AM · For: Chapter 19

Really have enjoyed this story! Hope you update soon!

Author's Response:

Thanks, Tammy!  Apologies for the technical difficulties you’ve been having, but am glad that the “Test” account is working thus far.  So glad that you like the story!  I will be updating very, very soon. xoxo, Jessica

Name: eotopia (Signed) · Date: 19 Dec 2017 02:14 PM · For: Chapter 18

OMFG.

I feel like I'm reading this for the first time again even tho I read it cover to cover 84 years ago when it was first posted. But yet I feel like I've never read it quite like this. With a clear mind maybe. Or more strength to cope now, I don't know but I can feel this painstaking visceral violence, your descriptions are so visual it's like I'm watching it on screen and it's absolutely captivatingly devastating. Ok where to start with this chapter. I was hungry for breakfast before I started reading and now I'm nauseous af.

 

These are a few of my favourite things: **sound of music soundtrack plays to lighten to mood bc this was so intense**

 

"The only sources of light came from the dim recessed bulbs in the ceiling, filtering down in thin rays made visible by the plumes of cigarette smoke swirling in the air." - OkAY I could literally see this image in my minds eye. Your descriptions are on point woman.

 

"Your family, El... You shouldn't have come here," she cried. "I could never live with myself if-" ... "No. Don't you dare do that. You're my family too, Liv." - sCREAMING! She is! And no one can tell me otherwise.

 

"The word hung in the air like an explosive that had yet to detonate" - OkAY - why you so good at this?! These ways in which you write. Teach me everything you know. I'm ready.

 

 

And when Elliot was first taken from the room & she's locked in their alone again my just heart broke. "I can't do this without you," she whispered brokenly."

 

 

The whole scene where he is watching her behind the glass realising she would do and go through anything to save his life. I mean.. no adequate words for this and I could write a 10 page review on that concept alone but just know I'll never be the same again after reading that. And neither will Elliot.

 

 

At the end where Liv breaks his wrist & shoots him dead. Omg. F**k yes! Finally - Relief legit poured through me and I could finally breathe again when she did this.

 

 

"Don't look back, Liv," he murmured into her temple. - Damn straight Fin. That shit is done with now. No more kidnappings! No more torture! Take her home to heal in Eliot's strong and loving arms. Drink hot cocoa and tell her you love her.

 

And finally with Kat at the end. A whirlwind of freaking emotions girl.. I forgot about this part and I'm hurt all over again because I really want her to survive. I need to go lie down.

Author's Response:

YAY! You picked out more quotes!  And *AHEM* not quite 84 years, Missy... At any rate, I'm thrilled you can "see" the story play out (although I'm sorry it made you lose your appetite...)  In my head, I see it as if it were acted, so I always hope others can too. Glad you liked the description of the post-raided club.  I feel like every time I think of the club (the Chapter 7 version, and this chapter's version), it just feels so ominous.  The quote you picked out is one I can visualize, and there's a description later on (perhaps next chapter?) post-stand off that I can also see really well.  Will be interested to see whether or not you pick that line out too.  And ergh... the "family" line. That whole exchange with them back in that room is just such a painful concept.  So much love there, but so much fear and regret. This whole chapter was hard to write, to be honest. Skipping over to the "can't do this without you" quote - the idea of her lying there on the concrete with what might be the last tangible connection to him is just... ugh.  SO - back to the "explosive" line.  Yeah, I mean... if "him" (Nikolai) isn't a trigger word for a detonation, I don't know what is... Writing Nikolai's psychotic and emotionally labile personality was insane enough, let alone writing his equally effed up but more impulsive and volatile brother...  Creepy.  The prolonged scene with them on either side of the glass...the revolver (which Liv has no ability to prevent) and Kane (which Elliot has no ability to prevent) is just so torturous.  (Also, let the record show that Russian roulette was MY idea first, SVU-verse... The Lewis arc can take note.  Actually, let the record show that the whole concept of scary injections harming people was ALSO my idea first... "Zebras" can also take note!)  Anyway, yeah - just painful for them and for the readers (and writer), and it was important to me that *that* level of suffering and her surrender to do anything to protect him and his family were what ultimately led her to the point that she could mouth "I love you" for the first time.  Clearly she does and he's known this (without her saying the words), but when I wrote that part, I see it as the most poignant way she can communicate her acceptance of her fate.  Her concern for herself is not there at all, and she is trying to communicate in an amped up Gitano-esque way that she will do anything and everything because of the strength of that love for him.  SO, anyway, thank goodnees she kills Kane (although how awful to be trapped under him), and thank goodness for friends like Fin.  I really loved writing Fin/Olivia scenes in this fic.  Some of the earlier scenes at the precinct with him made me think of the close, bantery, uncomplicated relationship I used to have with a coworker years ago who reminded me of Fin a great deal (or vice versa).  Poor Kat... yeah... that's not so good, huh?  And LOL about the cocoa.  Well... there's coffee in the upcoming Chapter 20... Does that work? xoxoxo, Jessica

Name: eotopia (Signed) · Date: 18 Dec 2017 06:38 PM · For: Chapter 17

"God what had he done? He had lost her. She would never know.. She would never know how it could have been... how it would have been between them."

 

 

- The most painstaking line that sums up my entire feels when I read this story. Please tell me eventually she will know how it would have been between them. Also the fact that you have Elliot correct himself when he changes ‘could' to would... brilliant. These little things you do and the care that you take.

 

 

A few other key takeaways I love from this chapter:

 

 

"She didn't believe in a higher power, but she believed in Elliot, and she prayed that he would find her." - Beautiful.

 

 

"Her eyes burning with tears that she refused to shed." - This is so Liv.

 

 

The whole scene where he jabs the needle in her neck and grabs her hair, the way you described the experience. "She felt the burning sensation as the contents entered her system, and soon after, everything appeared to twist and churn around her. She fought the effects for as long as possible, trying to catch a glimpse of his badge number as he hovered above her." - Even in utter dismay she's still a cop at heart and smart as hell.

 

 

And finally when Elliot is on the phone to Cragen and he says "Cap, it's...it's Liv." Even he can't believe it when he says her name. I had this moment where I felt that kind of emotional character response was the main thing missing from the Lewis arc. It was a strong parallel for me and such a waste that we didn't get to experience that stark emotional dismay at her being missing - no Cragen, no Elliot, the people who knew her from beginning and cared so deeply for her. Even Munch and Fin's response wasn't really highlighted in the show just Nick's. And given that her crew were all relatively new and didn't share such a rich history with her I just felt it was a wasted opportunity to not be able to show this.  

 

 

Anyway, as always, you captured Olivia and Elliot perfectly. And I love the Kat character. Her presence oddly makes me feel like everything is going to be okay.

Author's Response:

So I love you, and I *love* your reviews because you pick out lines that stand out for you.  I never know what people gravitate toward out of what I post into the abyss until someone writes a review like this.  Much appreciated!!  So... (in order) Yes, that inner monologue of Elliot's is beyond angsty.  For him to feel that a) he has lost his soulmate and b) the only experiences in that realm that they shared were so painful... Ugh.  So, YES, I promise that I won't end BP without writing some physical intimacy between them that is less traumatic. That has to be part of the healing process, after all...  I'm interested in the next two lines you picked out.  So glad they resonated.  In terms of the tears, unfortunately poor Liv sheds a lake in the story as a whole - which I realize is not typical Liv...but I feel like she's been through enough trauma and loss that the moments that she falls apart are (hopefully) understandable and not totally out of character.  Really interesting that you picked out the line about the injection, etc. Years ago somebody else picked out that exact same passage (it wasn't you :)) and also pointed out the "cop" mentality that she clings to. Interestingly enough, I didn't pay much mind to that specifically when I wrote it, I just saw her doing it in my head and put it on "paper". She's a tough cookie, our Liv.  And UGH - yeah, that line of Elliot's to Cragen definitely was one that stands out to me. How can he possibly find appropriate words to sum up this sort of nightmare - to his commanding officer no less - that can effectively encapsulate all that he stands to lose?  She's his everything.  The Lewis storyline is one of the few things I watched in post-Meloni era SVU, and I agree that there was a wealth of relationship history/drama that they could have used that they chose not to... I never understood that.  The same way I never understood why they didn't play up the El/Liv dynamic more post-Sealview. (Not in a "shipper" sense even, just in terms of their trust and history).  The only way I could explain that away is what I did in this fic - relating it to that comment he made post-Gitano.  That was the only thing that made sense to me as to why she wouldn't have told him something more...  I love that you love Kat. :)  (I may have found a way to write in some of my snark... BP needs a bit of comedic relief, after all.) She's also equally as strong-willed as Olivia, which is fun to write.  Thank you for this... xoxoxo Jessica

Name: bensler4015 (Signed) · Date: 17 Dec 2017 02:36 AM · For: Chapter 1

i am so new to this that i dont know how to respond directly to your response lmao, but ya at first i was kinda judgy about the club but i pushed through and i am so happy i did. tbh i can watch surgeries and svu and greys anatomy while eating and i legit couldnt eat while watching this, your writing is unbelievable and i am so excited for you to keep going!! Don't let the fear of critics keep u back this was so amazing i couldn't put my laptop away for nights. 

- jess:)

Author's Response:

Thanks so much, Jess!  (To be honest, I'm not even sure if there *is* a way to respond to a response...???)  I'm so glad you stuck with me.  I also love that you said "while watching this" because that makes me think that you might be able to see this story play out in your head the way I can.  I see this as if it's filmed (...just not on NBC.  Perhaps HBO??)  In other news, I am excited to share that I believe I may be ready to post the next chapter very, very soon...!!!  8+ years too late for most readers, but...I'm still trying to give my EO-verse closure... xoxo, Jessica

Name: Hendla01 (Signed) · Date: 12 Dec 2017 09:47 PM · For: Chapter 1

Just have to say I'm so thrilled to see that 1. You're resurrecting a collective ff site for SVU fiction akin to the old archive and 2. You're working on this story again. I recall reading this WAY back in the day, and it was one of my absolute favorites and I was hopeful that you'd finish it one day. Alas, the old site went down and I thought all was lost. Such a happy surprise to find this today, I definitely sense tonight is gonna be an all-nighter re-reading this gem of a story. 

 

Thank you for doing this, sending warm fuzzies and good juju to you as thanks!

Author's Response:

Hi Lauren! Welcome aboard and thank you so much for you awesomely kind words and support of the site (and little old me). :) I’m glad you feel as happy as I do to slowly start seeing the site come back to life.  Hopefully in time more authors will rediscover this and upload their work. As for BP, I’m thrilled to know you remember it from all of those years ago and that it was one that you enjoyed.  I promise I’m working on it (slowly as ever) but every day I’m opening the new chapter and inching forward. Thanks so much for taking the time to respond! xoxo, Jessica

Name: alexismaaze (Signed) · Date: 06 Dec 2017 02:13 AM · For: Chapter 19

I just want to applaud you, because this story is so, so well done. The detail with which you explore these characters and how they navigate the dark, twisty shit? Masterclass. 

Author's Response:

Thank you so much for taking the time to make outreach! The dark, twisty shit-navigation complexity is what initially caused a bit of a mental block all of those years ago, and then the old site crashed and burned so I gave up on them (and myself) for a while.  I am happy to report that the parts of the next chapter that I was initially frozen on have now come together, but I still have a bit more to do before I can post. Hopefully when the update comes, you’ll feel that I have done them justice. Thanks for your kind words! xoxo, Jessica

Name: mkidwell (Signed) · Date: 04 Dec 2017 02:43 PM · For: Chapter 19

Please, please, please finish this!

Author's Response:

Hi Mindy! I promise I’m working on it! It’s not abandoned anymore.  I have 16 pages of the next chapter so it’s slowly taking shape... I’m so glad to know that you are reading this. :) xoxo, Jessica

Name: bensler4015 (Signed) · Date: 02 Dec 2017 11:36 PM · For: Chapter 19

!!!I just finished for the first time.. It was so hard to read but so worth it, it consumed my week. You made me love them more than I already did.

i was in the club last night and had a thought that once theyre completely happy a simple night of them out at a bar and like tipsy and dancing too much like a happy couple would be so good to read. I CANT WAIT for the rest, never stop writing, youre amazing!<3

Author's Response:

Thank you so much, Jess! (Good name, btw... ;)) It always makes me breathe easier when someone tells me that they are new to the story, but were able to hang in there with me until the end (or at least the last chapter, since more is coming). Everytime a new person reads the club chapter, I worry that it’s going to make them put it away. (When I first posted that chapter back in the day, I literally couldn’t check reviews for days because I was worried about what might be there). So thanks for your very kind words.  I, too, would love to imagine them at a point where they can be lighter and happy together.  While this fic will not get them all the way there to the extent that you mentioned, I think you’ll ultimately feel that they’re on the right path if I can finish this out the way I see it in my head. xoxo, Jessica

Name: macandcheese (Signed) · Date: 02 Dec 2017 01:41 AM · For: Chapter 1

I love this story so much. It is so well written, I’ve re-read it like 5 times in the past month now. Please please update soon! Can’t get enough of it!! :)

Author's Response:

Wow! Thank you so much for this amazing feedback! I’m so glad that you love the story.  I have been plugging away at the next chapter and have some good friends nudging (and nagging) me on a daily basis, so please know that while the words are coming slowly, gradually taking shape (16 pages and counting...) Thank you so much again for taking the time to make outreach! You made my morning. :) xoxo Jessica